


a hundred thrown-out speeches

by AngelsDance



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: After the fallout, F/F, I made some arrangements, Its a month and a few days later, Post Reveal, i guess it will be 5 chapters long? i don't know, theres obsidian and lillian luthor what isnt to love?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 07:57:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20004910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsDance/pseuds/AngelsDance
Summary: When Lena Luthor no longer has Kara Danvers on her side, what or who does she have?





	1. Part I: When you go, take this heart: I’ll make no more use of it when there’s no more you

****Today is one of those days where Lena feels paralyzed. She couldn’t manage to do much today, like any other day since Lex told her the truth. Of course that Lex’s last breath had to be a venomous one. He had to, no, he _needed_ to overpower Lena’s wit one last time.

All she has ever done throughout this month was helping Rojas bring Obsidian to life and, thanks to Brainy, it didn’t take much of her time. And then, all she did was test it. And test it. Again and again. The only joy she felt was about how right the timing was so when she wasn’t using it, she was thanking god Andrea came up with this idea. Not that Lena alone wasn’t thinking about drowning herself in virtual reality since alcohol and little boxes weren’t doing the trick anymore.

As she expected, it was a great success and L-Corp made enough money that she didn’t have to think about the next big thing. She did what she had never done. She retreated herself from being a CEO. Of course, she went to work every day like a regular employee but no answering calls, no more meetings. Actions were going up anyway so there was nothing to anyone worry about. Out of all things, L-Corp was the only thing in her life to remain afloat.

But that only made harder for Kara to believe she was stuck at L-Corp, with a pile of files to read, and that, with Obsidian, L-Corp was now taking more time off her day than ever. Bullshit. And she knew Kara wasn’t buying it. After all, a bullshiter recognizes another. 

But then again, was she wrong?

Every time she heard Kara’s voice or worse, every time she _saw_ her face and that beautiful bright smile of hers, she couldn’t help but hear Lex’s voice in a distant and fragmented memory:

 _“Your friend has been lying to you. Even your own mother. They mock you, humiliated you, betrayed you. Every last one. Denial is a very powerful thing, isn't it? It has been standing in front of you all this time and you_ **_chose_ ** _not to see it. You're left with no one and nothing.”_

Her world didn’t have to be shattered to the core, she didn’t have to look at Kara and hold her breath to make sure nothing would come out of her mouth. She didn’t have to drink away her anger, smooth her range with scotch, hide her demons in boxes. In Obsidian, she was free. In that world, she wasn’t even a Luthor if she didn’t want to be one. No worries, no traumas. It was everything she ever wanted.

And just like that, she was addicted. At first, she would only use it at night, because heaven knows Lena struggles at night. When the city quiets down and shes completely and utterly alone. Once in a while, she would hear a familiar sound: the wind blowing softly, patting a well known red cape. Lena wasn’t religious but she prayed to any divinity to make the hero go away. And she did, almost every single time as if she could hear Lena’s mind. Then she started using it after talking to Kara. Kara that wouldn’t give up. Kara that wanted to know everything, if she was alright, if she wanted to talk, if she was eating enough food, if she was drinking enough water. _You know you cannot be a good CEO if you’re starving or passing out dehydrated, Lena,_ her soft voice, the different tone she used like she was actually concerned about Lena’s health. She remembers that her immediate thought was _you know you can’t be a good friend if you’re lying for 3 whole years, Kara._ But she didn’t let it slide. She held onto it and used every word she wanted to yell to the vr Kara. And when she was satisfied, she would turn it off. Soon enough she realized she was spending hours and hours inside Obsidian.

One night, after Supergirl had the nerve to come down and visit, she used until the sun was invading her office. 12 hours that felt like minutes. And once in a while she’d give Andrea some feedback, she would say it was working perfectly and also getting better with time, the transitions were smoother, it was safe for users. But no, she wasn’t stipulating how many hours should one use or if Obsidian should control it.

Another week passed, just like that. In a blink of an eye. Kara would call and ask her to go out or, if she wanted, she would go to her office and bring her some Big Belly Burger and they’d eat and catch up at the same time. Lena always said that she had already eaten, _don’t worry_ and that she was busy in her lab or with piles of work. Then, Kara’s calls started going straight to voicemail, which didn’t stop the reporter of leaving some _I really miss you, Lena,_ or _Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?, I’m sorry for flooding your phone. I’ll give you your space. Sorry._ And Lena could help but feel a pang in her chest. She wanted to be better at hiding, to be able to live her life knowing and waiting for Kara to tell her the truth. 

It was easier to spend her day trying to figure out why Kara never said it. Why Kara didn’t trust her, why her friends lied, why her mother hid the truth. But, well, the last one she could figure out in real life. And so she went to pay her mother a visit. When she left the building, her eyes closed immediately in pain, which made her search for her sunglasses. She couldn’t remember the last time she left her office and went home. She’d always ask Jess to bring her some clothes from her closet and now she realizes how much the time had passed. 

——

 _— Lena, what do I own the visit?,_ Lilian greets her with that psychopathic grin of hers, twisting only one side of her lips. 

_— Why didn’t you tell me, mother?,_ she tried but her voice breaks a bit, showing more than she wanted, losing control of her feelings in front of her mother once again. _There are things_ , she thinks, _I can’t seem to grow out of._

Lilian spends a long second scanning Lena’s expressions, trying to find any remnant of sorrow, tears and sleepless nights in her daughter’s eyes. Maybe she found every one of them. 

_— Well, my dear,_ she starts, still grinning, _you never asked._ she says with no emotions at all. At that, Lena scoffs. It’s the most obvious response Lillian could come up with. _— But, by the look on your face, you didn’t find out on your own, did you?_

Getting caught off guard, she shifts her body in that cold steel stool. _— Your dear son told me. After I shot him._

At that Lillian shares a whole generous smile which makes her look more like a psychopath. _— Guess I never liked you better. Luthors are always full of surprises and vengeful twists._

_— And how would you know, mother? You just inherited my father’s name._

_— Oh, Lena. It’s not me you’re mad about. You know why I never told the truth about your friend. And she knows it too._

No, Lena doesn’t have a fucking clue and she doesn’t have the patience to play it cool, to get inside her mother’s brain and win this chess talk with a checkmate. As a woman who has lost everything, she plainly asks:

_— What exactly do we know, mother?_

Lilian blinks her eyes and shakes her head _, what a fool,_ she must think. _— That you’re her liability. Her Achilles heel. You made her kryptonite proof so now you’re the only thing_ , she swiftly corrects herself, _you’re the only one that could destroy her._

_— You must be out of your mind. Your brain must have shrunk several sizes here._

_— Oh, I have never been more lucid, my dear. Have you seen the news?,_ Lilian asks but doesn’t wait for an answer. But to be honest, no, Lena haven’t had the time to read the newspaper or watch the news. The only thing she’s aware is that the Pullitzer award will be hosted in Metropolis one month from now. She knows that and has been dreaming, well, virtually living it. Thinking about what she will say that will make Kara break inside out right after receiving the greatest award that a reporter could receive. It seems harsh but she feels entitled to this cruelty. After all, Kara is a reporter thanks to Lena. _— Supergirl is sloppy. No one knows what has happened to her. She’s easily overpowered by anyone and the DEO saved her uncontable times. She has her kryptonite suit but she doesn’t have you._

Somehow it makes Lena feel warm inside, knowing that Kara is having a hard time. It’s wrong and evil even, but she doesn’t Kara. Maybe Kara deserves it. But then, a small voice in her head, a small dot inflicts pain in her chest and then it becomes a thousand and she feels her heart is being pinned by needles or pricked by bees. She doesn’t want Kara to die, she doesn’t her physically wounded. She still cares. And she hates it.

_— She doesn’t even know._

_— No, but maybe she thinks she knows the reason why you’re being so distant. And maybe her thoughts are worse than the truth._ Lillian breaks the mood and mocks, as usual, _maybe Paranoia is Supergirl’s worst enemy._

Lena doesn’t answer to that and how could she? Should she play the game or should she leave? Should she go to her office and imagine a reality where Kara is fine and just let it be? But Lillian is, sometimes, unpredictable.

_— It was delightful to play around her feelings for you_

_— Pardon?_

_— You’re her humanity, Lena. She knows it. And she hates it._

Lena blinks blanky, still not following her mother’s line of thought:

 _— When I got you arrested and kidnaped you,_ the way her mother says such atrocities in a normal tone as if it was the most casual thing a mother could do to a daughter made her head spin, but the way she didn’t remember that it had happened every time she looks at Lillian makes her feel...distant and mature, at the same time. _— I knew she would come for you,_ Lillian continues, _and I thought it would be perfect. She would believe you and go to the depths of hell to rescue you. Metallo’s heart was bound to explode at any given moment and he would take down Supergirl with him, in a very painful death. But of course, she had to save you and fly away just in time._ Her mother shows, for the first time since she arrived, discontent.

_— I would have died, mother._

_— Well, it wasn’t my fault that you started to act up. And I was still...well, hurt, from the betrayal. Could you blame me?_

Lena doesn’t remember much after Cyborg Superman knocked her out. She remembers Supergirl arriving as she crashed down the ceiling and said _Kara Danvers believes in you_ . She remembers pleading to her mother to do not hurt Supergirl. Then she remembers the wind blowing in her face, the warmth of Supergirl’s strong embrace, her voice saying _you’ll be fine, Ms. Luthor,_ she remembers bright lights in a hospital room she didn’t know, she remembers Supergirl flying her safely home and putting her to bed. 

Now she knows that it was Kara. Kara that could have died in that vault. Kara that exposed herself willingly to a Kryptonite that went nuclear. The kryptonite that inflicted such pain that was described as something that sears the skin off your bones or as nails running through your blood. But it didn’t stop Kara, at all.

_— And when I poisoned your coffee, she risked her identity to save you. No cape this time, just Kara Danvers flying in her civilian clothes. Just as I expected she would._

_— And you did that, because?_

_— It would bring you two closer, obviously. The closer you two get, the easier it would be for her to be destroyed by your absence. She might get herself killed and no clue will soak my hand in blood, sweetheart. Keep up._

As Lena stands up to leave, Lillian says one more thing. Maybe it’s a sentence she can’t forget. A sentence she doesn’t want to hear:

 _— Do you expect me to think you didn't really know?,_ Lena takes a deep breath and leaves.

_——_

_I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost_  
The room is on fire, invisible smoke  
_And all of my heroes die all alone_  
 _Help me hold on to you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i hope you guys like it. its been so long since ive written something supercorp related so i'm still trying to get the hang out of it. and once again, i'm sorry if my english sucks, it's not my first language. there's more to come.


	2. Part II: I've been blossoming alone over you, and I hear my heart breaking tonight. Do you hear it too?

After being bombarded by Lillian with information, Lena goes to her apartment just to find a few bouquets of flowers at her door and it looked like someone had died. And maybe it was true. Many of those bouquets were already dead out of thirst, she threw then away but a gnawing voice told her to keep the notes, and so she did. She couldn’t help but notice fresh flowers. White plumerias.  _ She remembers, _ she thinks. She tells herself she’s only keeping those as a reminisce of her biological mother. 

After showering she changes her clothes and sits down on her couch to read Kara’s notes. It was mainly a  _ I’m sorry about Lex,  _ or,  _ I’m only one call away _ , or even,  _ I miss you, I’m here if you want me to.  _ For the plumerias, she wrote: 

_ The plumerias are so simple and beautiful and they are so often used in ceremonies to represent a new life. A life were the past is in the past. But I don't think we should forget the past because, who would we be without it? I want to cherish our memories, the life we've had and I also want to celebrate our new phase. Whatever it will be, I hope it will be a good one.  _

_ I miss you. I hope you'll feel better soon.  _

_ I'm here if you want me to. _

She tosses it aside and returns to her office just to find Kara standing in the middle of it. Donuts and a bag of big belly burger awaiting on the top of the small table near the white couch.

_ — Lena! I was so worried about you! _

_ — Kara, I...hi. What happened? _

_ — No, it’s fine I just...couldn’t get a hold of you.  _ Lena scoffs lightly. As someone who spent years trapped in space, Kara isn’t good on giving her some. 

_ — I’m fine, Kara. I just went to visit Lillian.  _ she sits down on her couch and Kara follows, grabbing some weirdly heated fries.

_ — How’s she?,  _ Kara asks as nothing had happened. With her big blue and glowy eyes, following Lena’s every motion, actually concerned and interested in everything Lena had to say. She forgot how easy it is to share with Kara, how comfortable she makes her feel. The safety she feels around her...and easily the time went by. Laughing and eating more in an hour than she has in a whole month. But it didn’t last much, she stands up. It needs to be now. With her back turned to Kara, she goes to Obsidian. It will be fast, she thinks. She will just run a few possibilities of aproach. After what she thinks were three seconds, she turns around, facing Kara.

_ — You don’t have anything else to tell me? _

Kara frowns, tensioning furrowing her brows  _ — What do you mean? _

_ — You already know I know, Kara. _ her voice shakes, it feels like her vocal cords are tied together in a tight knot

Kara straights up her posture, gulps dryly and stare at Lena without saying anything. Her mouth agape trying to come up with an excuse.  _ — Just tell me, Kara. I need to hear it from you. _

_ — Lena, I…I didn’t...I... _ still mouthing silent words and stuttering

_ — Don’t make me regret this.  _ she sees Kara standing up, putting down her empty soda cup and walk towards her.

_ — That’s not how I planned it would turn out,  _ Kara smiles a tight broken grin and looks down, defeated.  _ who told you?, _ she asks

_ — It doesn’t matter now, does it?  _ Lena is sharp and defensive, she wraps her arms around her own chest.

_ — Right. It doesn’t.  _ Kara stares at Lena with teary eyes and a square and tensed jaw. She takes off her glasses and tosses it aside and before looking up, she opens her buttoned-up shirt, revealing her family crest in her new suit. A suit that Lena designed already knowing who she was. As she looks up she sees Lena glassy eyes and she can’t help but let tears escape her eyes.  _ — I’m sorry, Lena. I wanted to tell you so many times. _

_ — But you never did, did you?  _ she looks up, controlling her tears from falling

_ — I was just...so afraid of losing you, Lena. I was afraid this would happen. I was afraid that you’d hate me forever, just like your mother told me you would. _

_ — For a hero, you’re rather selfish, Supergirl. _

Kara takes a step closer and Lena, on the other hand, takes a step back, reaching the top of her desk with her hips.

_ — I am. And I don’t regret it. I did everything that I could to keep you, us, safe.  _

_ — It’s ironic, you know. You lied so you didn’t have to lose me. And you lost anyway. _

Kara nods, her tears are now dry but her eyes are still red.  _ — I’d rather live in a world where you hate me,  _ the hero takes a deep breath, _ than in a world where you’re dead. If you knew you’d have a bigger target on your back, Lena. I know what it does with people. I...I almost lost Alex. I had to wipe her memories for her safety and I...I don’t regret not putting you through it. _

_ — You can come up with any excuses that you want but I’ll never understand why,  _ she starts sounding angrier than she wanted to acknowledge she was and with every word she was losing more and more of her ability to keep her tears in,  _ why you didn’t trust me with your secret, why you didn’t tell me sooner, why you… _

_ — It wasn’t because you are a Luthor, Lena. _

_ — And I should believe you because? You are going to act like you never treated me as such? As if you have never said you didn’t trust me?  _ by then she was losing control over her voice and Kara was stepping closer and Lena didn’t have anywhere to run but to her arms.

With Lena’s hands banging on her crest and her head near her chin, sobbing, Kara wraps her arms around the dark-haired woman.

_ — I deserve it, Lena.  _ she cries too, _ I cannot even imagine what you are feeling...I...the closer of betrayal that I’ve felt is nothing compared to what I did to you. I...I’m so sorry, Lena. Please. Listen to me. _

She feels Kara’s hand on her arms, gripping it strongly. She feels her eyes penetrating her green ones. She doesn’t hear much, she just cries and cries. She isn’t afraid of her feelings anymore. It wasn’t as bad as she thought. Kara told her her own truth, it was in the past now. Wasn’t it?

She feels Kara’s hand on her shoulders, trying to snap her out of it. She hears Kara’s voice.  _ Lena, please. I’m sorry. Please, Lena. Listen to me. I’m here. Talk to me.  _ Lena doesn’t understand what’s going on, after all, she’s here too. Hugging Kara. Now she’s feeling the wind blowing in her face. She feels Kara tight hold and the fabric of her suit. 

She feels a solid material still on her back. Her desk, she thinks. Still with her hand on Kara’s crest, feeling her presence. 

_ — Lena, please. Wake up. _

_ All the king's horses, all the king's men _

_ Couldn't put me together again _

_ 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends _

_ Help me hold on to you _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you confused?
> 
> feel free to talk to me on my tumblr too: ananobrain.tumblr.com


	3. Part III: You're growing tired of me and all the things I don't talk about

_ Talking to everyone but me _

_ I’m staying up late just in case  _

_ You come up and ask to leave with me _

Kara’s eyes are staring at her tv, not really paying attention to the movie, she doesn’t even know if it is a movie or some random tv show. She is so far away she doesn’t notice someone opening and closing her door. In her dimly-lit room, the only thing she was fixated was on the ice cream she was stuffing her mouth with and, of course, she was thinking about-

_ — Kara? _

She turns her head as fast as the speed of sound, hoping she would see…  _ — Alex?, _ she can’t help but frown at the sight of her sister. Not that she wasn’t happy to see her but she wasn’t expecting someone else.  _ — what are you doing here? _

_ — I called you a couple of times and you didn’t answer, so I came over. Too much?  _ Alex takes off her leather jacket and folds its sides then she leaves it on the couch’s inside back and gets ready to sit on the couch near Kara, and takes off her shoes.

_ — No, I just...my phone died and...Sorry if I made you worry.  _ Alex has been noticing Kara’s tendencies of apologizing too much, all the time. Once she arrived at the DEO making a loud but usual thud and said  _ Oh, I didn't mean to startle you, guys. Sorry. _

_ — Kara, you have been off lately, what’s going on?,  _ she says as she reaches for a spoonful of ice cream, taking it away from her sister.

_ — Oh, I’m fine...I’m stellar. It’s fine. Everything is. _

Alex laughs at her sister’s attempt to lie and touches Kara’s brow with her pinky toe  _ — Yeah, crinkle.  _ At that, Kara’s shakes her head and covers it with her hand. Taking a deep breath and exhaling.  _ — what is it? _

_ — Argh… things with Lena have been...terrible. I don’t know what I have done or if I even did something., _ Kara exhales, _ She doesn’t talk to me when I try to reach her and now Jess doesn’t let me in her office because she doesn’t have the orders to do so.  _ She sounds exasperated like she has been holding onto these things for far too long.

_ — And I’m sure it isn’t affecting your life as Supergirl, right?,  _ Alex returns the ice cream to her sister who doesn’t wait for a second to stuff her mouth with it.

With a mouthful, she says  _ — You’re not a psychologist just because your girlfriend is one, Alex.  _ Her sister smiles kindly and stares a  _ “am I wrong?”  _ stare.  _ — Every time I’m out there I can’t help but search for Lena’s heartbeat, just to know if she’s alright or if she’s still around. But I know I haven’t been myself lately but I'll get my head back in the game. I promise. _

_ — I hope so, Kara. I was starting to worry that you were trying to get beaten up so you’d be punished for some reason. You don’t deserve to carry this guilt, you haven’t done anything wrong to Lena. She’ll come around. _ They share an amicable smile and Alex steals the remote control,  _ — what the hell are you watching? _

_ — it bites me.  _ she shrugs.

The time goes by easier having Alex around, they joke around and buy more food. They decided to catch up on Queer Eye for obvious reasons and every time Tan France said  _ Make an effort! _ , it would resonate differently within Kara.

So she decided that tomorrow morning she’d call Lena more often. Ask her over or offer to bring her big belly burger or some healthy thing that she loved but Kara hated, like kombucha or...vegetables. 

But you can’t invite someone over if they don’t pick up your calls. You can’t guess which burger or detox they would rather if they don’t answer your texts. She decides to not go over Lena’s office because, to be honest, she’d be breaking and invading since Jess out of all people is the least qualified to stop her.

She aims at her own pile of work to do but it’s tough to write an article about tech when your new boss helped L-Corp with Obsidian. So she settled to do something quite different. A critic about interpersonal relationships and society, maybe she did talk a bit about technology but nothing too much on the nose. She read all Bauman’s session of Liquid-something, Dostoievsky, Foucault’s conception of freedom, and Arendt’s banality of evil. All of that in 30 minutes. After all, she really did need to re-read Dostoievsky. The writing was complicated. It was way too complex, and she couldn’t do it rain or shine since she was nominated for a Pulitzer for Rao’s sake. 

When Alex called her in, saying there was an overpowered gang terrorizing a group of aliens downtown she was  _ so _ satisfied. She could finally channel all her frustration on their faces. One punch for Lena, another one for Foucault. In a blink of an eye, she had the gang arrested and the aliens were safe. 

_ — I guess my peep talk helped you, Supergirl. _

_ — I’m just making an effort,  _ she shrugs.

__

She goes back to CatCo and the first thing she does is look at her phone and, of course, no sign of Lena. Radio silent.  _ It’s fine _ , she says to herself,  _ she’ll come around. _ She focuses on finishing her critic for the newspaper and at first, it feels silly.  _ No one will ever read it, _ she’s certain of it but maybe, just maybe, Lena will. And it gives her enough fuel to go through it. After finishing it, she sends a copy for Andrea Rojas, who’s surprised by how fast she wrote it and Kara pushes it aside, trying not to say anything dumb.

She asks Brainy about Lena and when was the last time they talked but all he said was:

_ — Her boxes are much bigger now but still, it spilled. _

_ — Meaning? _

_ — How could I put it...nicely?, _ he pauses,  _ I don’t think she wants to see you. Or anyone. But mostly you. For now. _

And to be perfectly honest, Kara doesn’t get it. A few weeks ago, it was fine. Was Lena a little bit off? Yes. Obviously. Lex died, Eve lied, her mother was back in jail. But she was there. Broken but mending. Or at least that was what Kara thought. Then out of the blue, Lena was selling CatCo and launching Obsidian with the new CatCo’s CEO. It didn’t add up.

And now...now she’s going back home.

As she arrives, she calls Lena’s office.

_ — Ms. Danvers, I told you Ms. Luthor doesn- _

_ — Jess, when was the last time you actually saw Lena? _

_ — Well, uhm, it’s been a few days, actually. _

_ — A few days?  _

_ — Yes, I brought her new clothes but after that day, her office has been locked. Maybe she’s at her place? _

It is a lot to take in. Lena hasn’t been spotted in a few days, Jess was often bringing her clothes, meaning Lena didn’t leave her office as much. Just as Kara had figured out. 

_ — No, she’s at her office.  _ she lets it slip.

_ — Ms. Danvers, it is impossible. What makes you say that? _

The honest answer would be, “I listed in her heartbeat a few seconds ago” but instead  _ — I hacked into her phone the other day… and...and it was located inside the building. But now her phone is dead. _

_ — Sorry, Ms. Danvers. Maybe she’s traveling with no phones? I don’t know. She didn’t tell me anything. _ her tone was honest, Jess wasn’t good at hiding things from anyone.

_ — It’s okay, Jess. Thanks. And...shouldn’t you be at home by now? _

_ — Oh, I’m just...going through some of Ms. Luthor’s emails, seeing what I can or cannot do to help. She hasn’t been answering them either. _

After they end their conversation, Kara decides to give it some time to Jess to go home. She scanned the town for crimes just to pass the time. As the night quieted down, she listed in for Lena’s heartbeat. This time was different. Her vitals were all over the place, it sounded like Lena’s blood was boiling. 

Kara hurries to L-Corp. Has Lena’s vitals been different from hours before? A hundred of thoughts floods Kara’s brain, _di_ _ d she take something? Is she having an overdose? Is she having a seizure? Should I calm down, maybe she’s having a nightmare? _

But Lena wasn’t. She was standing up in the middle of her office, crying. Her olive green shirt seemed fresh but her hair looked greasy. Her eyes were lit in a baby blue color thanks to the VR lenses. Her nose was bleeding, dripping blood directly to her collarbone. 

_ — Lena, please. Talk to me.,  _ she pleads as she sees Lena crying, a flood of tears escaping her static eyes.  _ how do I turn this off?  _ Kara snaps her fingers, she does the hand motion in front of Lena’s eyes and usually, any of these actions would turn off Obsidian but, not this time.

_ — Lena, please. I’m sorry. Please, Lena. Listen to me. I’m here. Talk to me. _ , Kara grabs Lena by her arms and then, her shoulds, and shakes her trying to get her to wake up.

Lena vitals are still high but she’s getting paler by the second. Kara takes hold of her and holds her tight to her chest and uses her freeze breath to calm Lena’s blood pressure down.  _ I’m not losing you, Lena.  _ She warns Alex and once she gets to the DEO, Brainy is there, ready to help. After all, he helped her create this piece of tech. Still in her arms, she says  _ Lena, please, wake up. _ Nothing.

She knows Brainy’s saying something tech-related or...life related, who knows. But she can’t seem to focus on anything but Lena’s stiff body and paler skin. Kara doesn’t think she has seen so many doctors talk at the same time around such a tiny patient, She sees Nia arriving and Brainy talks to her in a hurried manner,  _ it’s okay, they got it. _ She doesn’t know if it has been a minute or one hour since she got here but then, all she knows is Alex starring at her, trying to bring Kara’s conscience back.

_ — Kara, she is not responding. She’s blocking Nia and Brainy we...we don’t know how to stop it.  _ Alex says, grabbing her sister by the shoulders, trying to sound as calm as possible.

_ — You... what? But brainy made it he must know!  _ Kara starts losing control of her voice, her heartbeat spikes up. No, she can’t lose Lena. Not now.

_ — No, he...It seems that she has been using it for days, Kara. We don’t even know If she will still be sane when she wakes up. If she wakes up. _

_ — No, what? What do you mean IF she wakes up? You...I can’t lose her, Alex. _

She sees that someone is giving Lena some kind of serum that Kara has no idea what it is, then someone comes up with a lead curtain, so Kara couldn’t see the procedure.

_ — Kara!, _ the blond returns her attention to her sister,  _ Lena might give herself a stroke! She could be brain dead in seconds, we need to figure something out, we need you to think, okay? _

Think. How can you think when your world is falling apart? When your best friend is dying. Best friend? It was not the time to think about what Lena meant or didn’t mean to her. She needed to slow everything down and think. It was something she learned from Barry, to make your body move so fast that everything around you was frozen. She learned that even if she isn’t a part of the speed force and she’s glad she did. Everything clicks. She looks at the clock. It’s 8:58 PM.

_ — I got it, I’ll be right back.  _ And just like that, Kara is gone.

__   
  


_ I don’t need the world to see _

_ That I’ve been the best I can be _

_ But I don’t think I could stand to be _

_ Where you don’t see me _


	4. Part IV: To Think That We Could Stay The Same

The interdimensional extrapolator was a kind gift made by Cisco Ramon. It could not only create breaches in between earths but also, make them communicable. She always kept it inside the last drawer at her bedside table but it feels she can’t reach it fast enough. She can’t get to Barry fast enough. On her earth, it’s still 8:58 PM.

As the breach opens, she pictures the Star Labs and Barry and Iris, Caitlin and Cisco. She doesn’t have time for mistakes, she cannot afford to end up somewhere else. She prays to Rao and crosses her heart in the hope they’re all gathered together.

No one has time to react to the breach opening inside the cortex. The only thing Iris can say is:  _ — Get ready, guys. _

When everyone was starting to open their mouths, Kara cuts them off

_ — Guys, I need your help. I don’t have much time,  _ she doesn’t try to take a deep breath or organize her thoughts,  _ my friend Lena created lens capable of formulating virtual reality and...and now she’s trapped and no one can pull her out of it, please _

_ — Okay,  _ Barry gets closer to her,  _ Kara, breathe. Do you know how it works? _

_ — No, I’m not sure. It might work like a dream but I don’t know. _

_ — How active is her brain?,  _ Caitlin asks

_ — It was only spiking up, her blood pressure, her heartbeat...I… _

_ — It might be an enhanced REM experience th-, _ as Cisco tries to speak, Kara once again cuts them off

_ — Guys! I don’t have the time. I just need to get inside her head and wake her up. She needs to wake up. Can you help? _

It looks stupid being here and asking for help but she remembers how she felt during Black Mercy. She wasn’t going to wake up if it wasn’t for Alex. It looks even stupider being here when she has Brainiac 5 and Dreamer on her team but one of the things she doesn’t get is why they’re blocked out of Lena’s mind. She knows Brainy could immerse someone inside a person’s head, it has happened before. And Kara remembers the strain it might cause in someone’s brain. So, no, she’s not sure what brought her here. But maybe, trying is better than knowing Lena’s case is hopeless. After all, Brainy was blocked out of Lena’s brain.

_ — Maybe Sherloque’s memory machine could help,  _ Barry says looking around waiting for confirmation that Iris and the rest of the Team provides

_ — But she wouldn’t be able to interact with...Lena?, _ Cisco asks uncertainly 

_ — The cerebral inhibitor should be able to make Kara communicate with her friend and after some improvements, it could slow down her brain waves.  _ Caitlin finishes her thought

_ — Making it safer for both of them.  _ Cisco says,  _ Ok. Kara? we got it. _ Cisco stares at Caitlin and then they leave for the lab. Caitlin gives Kara an affirming grin. Iris leaves the cortex to allow Barry to calm Kara down. Barry understands his cue almost immediately. Kara was pacing around the cortex by the time the tall and slender hero was beside her.

_ — Kara, she’ll be fine. You’ll get there in time, okay? _

_ — How can I know that Barry? If I could just turn back time and rescue her sooner I… _

_ — Look, sometimes turning back time doesn’t solve anything. You never know what you can mess up and I’m the one saying that. _ the boy tries to light up the mood and fails miserably. 

_ — But maybe if I just change minutes, Barry. It wouldn’t hurt anyone it would be just right before I left. Wouldn’t you do it for Iris?, _ she asks.

_ — I’m not here to say what you can or cannot do. You know it’s dangerous, you know what happened the last time I did it. When Iris life was on the line..., _ he exhales deeply, closing his eyes remembering the agony he felt the first time he saw Savitar kill the love of his life, and remembers his heart breaking when he saw it happening, on his timeline, in front of his own eyes, the present. He knows the dread, the shaky-cold feeling eating his insides. He knows. He has felt this loss one too many times,  _ — I felt paralyzed. I couldn’t run fast enough, I could reach her fast enough. I couldn’t imagine a life. And I know what that loss would have done to me. So, I would be the first to understand you going back to the past to save...your friend. _

The way he says  _ friend _ sounds different, to say the least. She’s not sure if he’s implying anything but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t have the time.

_— I can’t lose her too, Barr. I have lost my world once,_ she says it before overthinking about what she just said but it was too late. Everything seemed way too late. _— And to think that right now I could be losing her? It’s...I feel so powerless. And Lena she is...so brilliant. She can be radiant like the sun and she has been through so much. She…_ _inspires me._

As Kara confesses to Barry she nods to herself, trying to make sense of her feelings, trying to remember Lena’s smile, her laughter, her quick sense of humor, her bright green eyes, her dark hair. Barry smiles shyly as he catches a glimpse of Kara’s emotions.

_ — But now we...we have been distant. And I absolutely cannot lose her or else I...I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive myself _

_ — And does she know?, _ he asks and Kara is confused. A feeling she has been getting used to these days.

_ — About what? _

_ — About your identity. Does she know? _

_ — Oh, I...I didn’t tell her. But I will. As soon as she wakes up. _

_ — That’s not quite what I asked _

_ — I…, _ she breathes in, _ Maybe. And maybe that’s why we haven’t been close but I can’t think about it now, I can’t. _

_ — Kara, if this virtual tech works just like a dream, it is a way to work through emotions, maybe she’s trying to understand it. _

_ — And that’s why she has been using for so many days that she’s trapped?,  _ Kara sounds irritated just with the thought of this possibility being real. Kara didn’t know how to explain to the fastest man alive that she needed to hurry.

_ — I want you to be ready for any situation you might encounter when you do reach her.  _ he sounds sincere, worried even.  _ — when Iris found out I was The Flash she felt betrayed and nothing I said was enough and I cannot blame her. One day you have this person you trust the most and you share everything, every event. And you are thinking about this person every second of the day you’re not talking to them. I get it. I would feel the same and I did feel that anger when Nora was lying to us and… _

_ — What did you do? When Iris found out, I mean. _

_ — She pushed me away but I just couldn’t let it happen. I shared my truth even If she didn’t believe it. She thought that keeping a secret to keep her safe wasn’t enough or wasn’t worth it. And Kara, there is nothing better than the truth. _

_ — I don’t know if it will be that easy with Lena, you know. She has been through it before. Every family member lied and used her. I don’t even want to know what she must think of me.  _ Kara looks down at her hands, considering the thought of having losing Lena forever. Both emotionally and physically. 

_ — Hey,  _ Barry pokes Kara’s arms,  _ you’ll find the words. She’ll come around. And I don’t know if I’m crossing a line here but...you should tell her how you really feel. _ Kara furrows her brown at that. Yeah,  _ duh, _ she will say how important Lena is to her. 

_ — Yeah, obviously.  _

Barry laughs,  _ — Oh, Kara...I mean, do you remember when you told me you wanted to have what Iris and I have? _

She remembers sitting around hay in some barn heaven knows where and complaining about Mon-El. Complaining about how everything seemed wrong and what a liar he was. She felt that love wasn’t enough but what she felt for him could never come close to what she feels for Lena. How her heart beats faster, how her brain seems to run so fast that she can’t even find the words. Barry continues:

_ — It seems to me that you found it.. _ he smiles

When she’s ready to answer, Cisco and Caitlin rush in the cortex. Cisco came with the huge machine above dollies and Caitlin had the cerebral inhibitor in her hands interrupting Barry and Kara’s conversation.

_ — So, Girl of Steel...that’s a weird nickname,  _ he says under his breath, and Caitlin shakes her head,  _ it’s all here _

_ — We got you an inhibitor for Alex, so in this way, she’ll update you about Lena’s vitals,  _ she handles to Kara, who gives Caitlin a sympathetic and thankful grin, both devices.

_ — Thank you, guys. All of you. _

And before heading out to the breach Cisco just opened, Barry says:

_ — Only take the inhibitors with you, _ as everyone frowns, Caitlin interrupts

_ — What about Sherloque’s machine? _

_ — She’ll know what to do.  _

She understands the plan, nods, and leaves. No warm hugs, no lingering interaction. Gone.

_ —— _

__ Back to her Earth, she looks at the clock. 10:25 PM.  _ Shit. _ She looks around for Lena. Nothing. She uses her super-speed to scan the building. She found Lena lying in a cold bed and next to her she sees her sister seated on a stool. Holding Lena’s still hand. 

Looking up, Alex’s eyes are still pretty much teary and swollen.  _ — Kara, we _ , she can’t even start to speak,  _ we tried everything, we _

Feeling cold for the first time since she arrived on Earth, a coldness that shakes her limbs and squeezes her heart, she starts  _ — When did she...when did it happen? _

_ — Right after you left. _ the room quiets down. 

In a jolt of anger, sorrow, mourning, powerlessness, she yells  _ — WHEN?  _

_ — 9 PM. But Kara, wh- _

_ — I’ll be right back _

And so she flies as fast as she possibly can without turning her body into dust, focusing on the moment she brought Lena to the DEO. She pictures Lena’s face. Expressionless. She remembers the dark thoughts. She remembers Lena’s dead body laying down a steel bed. She opens her eyes. 8:32 PM. She doesn’t care if going back in time created a World War III, or if a nuclear bomb exploded or if a New World Order was installed and they just killed every billionaire on earth and in consequence saved mother earth. This is beyond her right now. Now, Lena’s all that matters.

In the rushed room, near the door while everyone had their backs facing Kara’s face, she uses the extrapolator.

_ — Guys, now!  _

She holds the machine in her arms — that came straight from Earth-1, and notices the whole room staring. Hurriedly she explains the devices and her plan but forgets to mention the time travel.  _ No one else will know. _

Brainy offers to help, after all, he could use his power to connect to Kara’s brain, therefore everyone could see what Kara was seeing inside Lena’s mind. But the strain it would cause especially on Lena’s brain is a risk she isn’t willing to take. Before being connected, she takes a deep breath. She hears Barry’s words ringing inside her head.  _ be ready for any situation.  _ At last, she thinks she is.

She closes her eyes and lets herself go.


	5. Part V: Dive Deeper

26 minutes. 26 years of Lena Luthor’s life. The life that Kara is so certain that she helped to end. The thought of failing, the thought of never seeing Lena again...Kara doesn’t know if she could take the burden, the guilt that she couldn’t put on anyone else but herself.

When her planet exploded, she knew there was nothing she could do. She was too young, too naive. It wasn’t in her hands. But this? All Kara does is control things. Or at least now she has much more of a saying in who gets hurt and who gets a saving. Even in politics. But to think that she has 26 minutes to save Lena? 

Truth is she hates losing control. She remembers when Alex was kidnaped. All she wanted to do was yell and hurt people, even though it  _ is _ wrong and not very heroic. She wanted to hurt the man that held Alex captive. But inside Lena’s head, there is no such thing as control. She can’t kick or scream the one hurting because that would be herself.

When she opens her eyes, she’s outside Lena’s office, she can clearly see herself, but not Lena’s face. Apparently, she doesn’t have her powers here. But she doesn’t really need one to hear the unsettled voices coming through the glass: She hears Lena’s bleeding broken heart saying  _ — It’s ironic, you know. You lied so you didn’t have to lose me. And you lost anyway. _

_ No, _ she mutters to herself. The unstoppable train of thoughts come crashing down,  _ how could Lena know? _ What is she going to do? One thing she’s sure now more than ever: getting Lena out of here is going to be harder than she thought. There’s no spare time to be broken. Not in this reality.

She sees the VR version of herself with dry tears and red eyes, her clone says exactly what she would in reality.  _ — I’d rather live in a world where you hate me than in a world where you’re dead.  _ And she means it. She does mean it anywhere throughout space and time and forever.

There’s nothing right now she can do it really. So she stays there seeing it unfold. Wasting time. The timing doesn’t really match but time travel is messed up anyway and now she just waits. Then she sees them hugging, which is unexpected but comforting. And after that, Lena turns off Obsidian. But before finally making a move, she asks Alex how much time she still has to 9 PM. 25 and counting. Alex remembers her that  5 minutes of real-time equals 1 hour of dream time, which means she has 5 hours to bring Lena back.

Appearing out of Lena’s balcony, while wearing Kara Danver’s clothes — clothes that she wasn’t wearing in reality — and behind her back isn’t the perfect way of showing up but that will have to do. 

She knocks at the single glass door three times and sees Lena turning her head around immediately, surprised and with a confused look on her face.

_ — Kara?, _ she smiles uncomfortably,  _ how did you get here? _

_ — Can I come in?,  _ Lena nods and opens the door wider.

Behind Kara’s back, she says  _ — I don’t understand...how did you ma- _

Kara knows she has 5 hours but she doesn’t wanna risk damaging Lena’s brain more that it probably is. She doesn’t have a well-thought plan, she just trusts her heart and hopes Barry is right.

She takes a deep breath and exhales with a  _ — I’m Supergirl.  _

Silence.

Alex’s voice cuts the silence and warns Kara that Lena’s heartbeat is increasing.

Lena blinks repeatedly as if she’s trying to take it in that this is Kara coming clean after years.

_ — I don’t believe you?  _ Now, this is a game Kara’s not willing to play.

_ — Lena, look. I know you know, _ Lena scoffs and raises her left eyebrow, _ and we don’t actually have time for it right now. I..I need to save you. _

To see Lena just shaking her head and...grinning, it is just too much. It feels superficial. 

_ — You really are utterly full of it, aren’t you? You would just keep doing it, over and over; _

It backfired. Great.

_ — No, Lena,  _ she tries to reach Lena’s arm as the younger woman turns her back to her,  _ that’s not true. _

_ — But it is!,  _ she elevates her tone, now looking back at Kara,  _ you only told me because I knew!  _

Lena turns her back again, running her hand through her black locks, but as someone who’s not used to neglect her “friend”’s face, the face that now looks as defeated as ever, she stares at Kara’s eyes again, not waiting for eye contact.

_ — For a hero, you’re such a coward. _

This is a game that Kara might lose.

_ — You’re right.  _

The fact that Lena seems shocked to hear that breaks something inside her. Maybe she really is “full of it” but never really knew.

_ — I’m a coward for not being honest, for being afraid of losing you. I’m also selfish because I...I would risk everything just to keep you safe. _

At Kara’s bleeding heart, Lena reaches for the bottle of scotch and considers taking a gulp right off the bottleneck but, as a Luthor, it would seem too desperate. She pours 4 fingers of scotch and flirts with the desire of resting at her couch but stays grounded, feets away from Kara.

_ — You’re just telling me what I want to hear, right? To keep me around for a little longer, isn’t it? _

_ — I’m telling you the truth, Lena. The whole truth for the first time because...you deserve to know.  _ And across the room, Lena chugs her whiskey and pours another glass.

_ — Good to know I’ve been upgraded, thanks. _

_ — You know I meant it, right?,  _ Kara walks towards Lena who’s reclined on her bookshelf. 

_ — That you’re selfish? _

_ — That and what I said before _

_ — What? _

_ — That I’d rather live in a world where you hate me,  _ Lena puts her drink down,  _ than in a world where you’re dead. _

Defensive as always, Lena walks towards Kara.

_ — How the fuck do you know? Have you… _ as she gets closer, Kara can smell the alcohol in her breath,  _ been spying or did Brainy hacked me? What is it? uhn?  _ And at that, Lena shoves Kara away. An action that would never really happen in real life. Not with this force.

_ — I know that everything that I say you’ll call bullshit but, none of this is real,  _ Lena scoffs,  _ you’re trapped inside Obsidian, Lena. _

_ — You’re lying! Again.  _

_ — Lena, you have to- _

_ — I think you might have just broken a record _

_ — Do I have powers inside Obsidian,  _ Kara asks sitting down on Lena’s couch, near the center table.

_ — No. _

_ — So you could shove me around easily like you just did, right?,  _ Lena looks more puzzled by the second,  _ you could actually hurt me and I could easily bleed, am I right? _

_ — Look, Kara, I don’t know where you’re goi- _

Without a second thought, Kara punches the glassy center table, not really destroying the whole material but her hand and pulse and in seconds, there’s blood everywhere, leaving Lena’s white couch stained with blood.

Lena covers her mouth, not quite believing in what’s happening and what it means. Alex cuts in immediately once again to warn that now, both heartbeats are spiking up and that she is considering sedate both of them

_ — No, Alex, we won’t take long. _

_ — Wh-What? _

_ — Oh, this?  _ she pulls the extrapolator off her pockets,  _ it’s a device that connects me with other realities.  _

_ — I don’t understand.  _ Lena stays rigid in her position, not moving an inch.

_ — You’ve been using Obsidian for days, Lena. You’re trapped inside it and every time you use it, you go deeper. _

_ — It’s impossible! My tech doesn’t fail!,  _ she chugs another glass of scotch

_ — It seems we haven’t been doing our best, right?  _ Kara winches in pain, maybe it really is affecting her here and outside, so she quickly holds her hand up

Still in denial, Lena moves closer to see Kara’s hand. She knows what she sees. She knows that the blood looks real and that Kara might have torn a tendon. But she knows it would never happen when there’s no kryptonite near or when there was no solar flare. It can only mean one thing.

_ — You’re telling the truth,  _ her voice breaks.

_ — I am.  _ And the bright blue eyes that sparkle with hope, she knows in a heartbeat that Kara is telling the truth. Maybe she always has known when she was either lying or not. She just didn’t want to see.

The room starts to fall apart, creaks of bright light irrupting the room and Kara catches an out-of-balance-Lena

_ — Alex? _

_ — Her brain activities are slowing down! _

_ — Kara? What’s going on?,  _ Lena asks worriedly to a smiling Kara

_ — We’re going home. _

_ I have lost a hero _

_ I have lost a friend _

_ But for you, darling _

_ I'd do it all again _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> funny thing is: while i was writing the discussion between lena and kara, i was thinking about my ex and what i wanted to truly tell her after she cheated on me; hours later she got wasted and sent me a message. lol.


	6. Part VI: You're the only motherfucker in the city who can stand me

As the VR realities come crashing down, she sees flashes of said realities. She sees herself punching Kara, she sees a thousand fights, hugs, laughter, she sees a karaoke night and they are mixed with actual memories: The first time they met, the first time Supergirl saved her, she remembers what her mother said and now she knows it’s true. She knows Kara risked too much flying her to the DEO. She knows Kara was selfish when she risked having a plane filled with chemicals fall into the water just so she could save Lena. She hears the  _ I’m right here. And I’m not going anywhere.  _ And it is true. It has always been true.

And maybe, just maybe, she has always know but chose not to see it. 

She shots her eyes open and the blinding light is just enough for her scream in pain, but when she tries to do so, she starts feeling the tube down her throat, she feels the urge to throw up but she can’t. She feels Kara’s sad stare. She hears Nia’s voice saying in an excited tone: Time of rebirth: 8:35 PM! She sees Alex asking for an emptier room, she sees the nurses leaving, alongside Brainy, Nia, and J’onn. She sees Alex putting her on saline and leaving. She sees Kara’s getting out of her bed and unplugging wires attached to the hero’s head. She hears a conversation between Kara and Alex about her brain. She listens carefully. It appears that it has been damaged but that she would pull through soon. It has something to do with the fact that Lena’s version of Obsidian adapts itself with their user’s brainwaves. She can’t move or scream, she lets out muffled sounds of pain. She only realizes she’s making a noise when Alex puts her to sleep. The last thing she sees is Kara’s teary face.

———

Lena doesn’t know for how long she has been down for but Kara knows. A week. Maybe one of the hardest week of Kara’s life. She didn’t leave Lena’s side and she’s pretty sure she hasn’t been fired yet because Rojas felt guilty, so she gave Kara a month off.

When Lena finally wakes up, she’s able to sit up and minutes later, she talks. 

_ — Hey,  _ she says weakly

_ — Hey you.  _ Kara, who’s sitting on the side of her bed, smiles, letting a tear escape,  _ you’re back. _

As she tries to sit more comfortably, she asks  _ — how long have I been down? _

Kara gets silent and looks down. Trying to loosen up, she fills her lungs with air

_ — Five years.  _ she frowns

_ — FIVE YEARS? _

She’s sure something is wrong when Kara laughs at her

_ — Kara!,  _ she groans and shoves Kara weakly,  _ what the hell? _

With a sad grin, she continues  _ — I was just trying to break the ice, you know,  _ and shrugs.

_ — Kara, we don’t… _

_ — I know that we don’t. Not right now. But I just want to let you know that I’m sorry, okay?,  _ Kara can’t seem to fight the tears escaping her eyes.  _ This past week I got so desp- _

And before Kara could finish her sentence, Lena jumps in to hug her. 

_ — I’m sorry, too, Kara.  _ holding her to dear life, she lets herself cry as well,  _ we both did things we’re not proud of. _

Still embraced to one another  _ — But I should have told you sooner and If I did, nothing like this would have happened _

_ — And If I actually accepted that I knew all along, I wouldn’t have created Obsidian. Maybe I’m the coward. _

_ — Wait,  _ Kara breaks the contact,  _ you knew? _

_ — I guess. But I always pushed aside. It is obvious and it’s a lousy disguise _

Kara gasps as if she has been offended  _ — No, it is not!  _ and that makes Lena smiles. Her muscles were no longer used to smiling, it has been too long . And Kara feels a warm feeling inside her chest at the sight of it.

_ — But you’re good at keeping secrets. Maybe if you weren’t a reporter you could be an actress.  _ And she knows it sounds sharp and resentful but she can’t help it.

_ — Lena, I’m sorry. _

_ — I know. I didn’t mean to be rude. _

_ — So...what blew my cover off? _

_ — Oh, you really want to know? _

_ — Sure! _

_ ——— _

Days go by and Lena is up on her feet, fighting with everyone who isn’t letting her go back to L-Corp. Kara mainly. When Kara flies away to save the world, Brainy is always there to keep an eye on her and, obviously, to talk.

_ — So, you and Miss Danvers?,  _ he gives her a cup of black coffee and she takes a sip, wishing it had some alcohol in it.

_ — We’re taking it one day at a time, Brainy. _

_ — Good. You know, I have never seen her so...disturbed. _

_ — It must have been terrible, I’m sure. _

_ — For an alien, she sure has a lot of emotions. _

Lena smiles softly and remembers something her mother said inside Obsidian    
_ — I’ve heard that I’m her humanity. _

_ — Maybe you’re more than that. There’s a 5% chance that I’m wrong and an 83% chance that I’m talking too much. _

_ — Spill it, Brainy. _

_ — You want me to..., _ he frows, looking as confused as if she was suggesting him to solve an impossible equation,  _ cry?,  _

_ — No,  _ she smiles,  _ just, tell me what you know. _

_ — Oh! It’s just that she was...punishing herself. She said at least 58 times that she was selfish and that she couldn’t be a hero if she couldn’t save her world.  _

Lena freezes.

_ — Which doesn’t make actual sense knowing she is always saving the world. _

_ — I think I should go home. _

_ ——— _

_ — Lena! What’s wrong with you?,  _ Kara barges in Lena’s penthouse to see the dark-haired woman laying on her couch, watching tv.

_ — How the fuck did you get here? _

_ — I can phase through things now, but why in Rao’s name did you get back here? _

Lena sits up,  _ — you can what now? _

_ — It is just something I learned from Barry, you know, The Flash? _

At Lena’s blank expression, she gives up  _ — Why did you leave? _

_ — I didn’t want to disturb you anymore,  _ she gets up from her couch to grab some water in the kitchen but it seems just so far away. As If she could read Lena’s mind, Kara puts a glass full of water in Lena’s hand in a jiffy.

_ — You can read minds, too? _ picking up Lena’s annoyance and knowing that maybe she just overstep, she apologizes but still waits for an answer.

_ — Brainy told me,  _ she finishes her water

_ — Told you what? _

_ — That you’re punishing yourself. That you think you’re being selfish for putting myself first. _

_ — Lena, don’t lis- _

_ — And it is true. _

_ — What? _

_ — You do put me first. You cross lines for me and, I get it. But I can’t let it happen. _

_ — It doesn’t make any sense, _ she scoffs and rolls her eyes

_ — Kara, between the world and I, you have to pick the world. _

_ — Nothing is saying I can’t save you both. _

_ — It is risky and you know that,  _ she stands her ground, knowing this might not end well.

_ — You know, I always did pride myself for being able to make the hard choices. When I had to choose between the world and Mon-el...it was easy. I know it was tough afterward but maybe not for the right reasons. I just...It was complicated. But...when it is you, I… _

_ — I can’t be your kryptonite, Kara. _

_ — But you’re not, Lena. If anything, you make me stronger. _

_ — I am, and deep down, you know that this,  _ she gestures between them, _ isn’t right _

_ — We have been doing it just fine,  _ she affirms.

_ — Maybe it will do us both harm,  _ Lena states coldly.

_ — No...Lena, you,  _ Kara feels a part of her heartbreaking and wonders if Lena can feel it too, if she can feel the cold taking over her spine or if her molecules are shaking as well.

Lena swipes away a tear with a finger  _ — Shouldn’t you be saving the world, Supergirl? _

Once again Lena remembers Lilian’s VR version telling her she was Kara’s humanity. And that Kara hated it. She remembers the news relating that something was off with Supergirl, she was getting injured all the time at every minor inconvenience. Kara’s voice saying  _ you make me strong  _ rings in her head. And she knows this is the right thing to do. She knows they mean too much to each other and...whatever this is was always bound to end badly. They’re a Luthor and a Super after all.

Kara looks at Lena blankly as the younger woman opens the door. She feels herself losing it like she’s about to have a panic attack. And Lena closes the door behind her. Shaking, out of breath, seeing everything spinning, she sees Lena’s dead body. She remembers Barry’s warning about messing up the timeline but it all ends when she hears Lena’s cry.

Kara doesn’t think when it’s Lena. She uses her strength to open Lena’s door. Lena, who has her back facing Kara, says

_ — Kara, please, leave me alone. _

And Kara grabs her by her right arm and turns Lena’s body to her face and kisses her deeply, pulling her closer by the second. Taking in Lena’s scent, the softness of her lips, the harmony of their tongues, the pleasure she feels by having one hand touching Lena’s skin and the other hand moving through her hair and pulling it softly. The jolt of joy she felt when she heard Lena’s moan at that. The sadness she felt when their lips were apart.

_ — Kara,  _ breathlessly Lena tries to say something, _ I… _

Kara just hopes Lena won’t say she’s sorry or that she didn’t know Kara felt this way. She hopes Lena won’t hate her but she doesn’t think that Lena would kiss her again. And with such a passion she has only seen in movies.

Lena puts her hands around Kara’s neck trying to exclude as much space as she could and Kara pulls Lena’s hips closer and Lena immediately wraps her legs around Kara’s hips and to feel herself being held like she weighed nothing was something else, making her even more eager and into the kiss. Kara quickly moves them to Lena’s couch carefully but when they crush at the couch, they hit their teeth and burst into laughter together.

_ — God, you really are made of steel, aren’t you?,  _ Lena says holding Kara’s face

At the top, Kara scrunches her nose, shyly,  _ — You know what they say _

They hold onto this moment for a few seconds before Lena starts kissing Kara again but right after Kara takes control and moves her lips down Lena’s neck, Lena says:

_ — You know what I meant before, right?,  _ Kara looks up

_ — I do. And I understand but you...you are my world, Lena. _

Lena grins and they kiss again, smiling in between. Lena finds that kissing Kara is easier than saying “I love you, too” would be. And when the kisses get too heated, Kara asks if it’s fine, just to make sure she’s not hurting Lena. But it is perfect. It’s perfect because it’s reality. Kara moves them to Lena’s bed and takes her right there. Every movement is divine, every look, every touch, the rhythm feels like they have been doing it for years. The softness of Kara’s hand, the firmness of her grip, the perfect syntony. So it goes, back and forth, taking rounds until Lena cannot take it anymore. Her whole body buzzing with joy.

She knows that maybe someone in the world needs Supergirl. And she knows that Kara’s aware of it, too. But, well, Kara said she is selfish. And maybe she’s a little bit, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...........that's it! i hope you guys have enjoyed this quick ride! i couldn't make them fight because it seemed...weird. but, well, thats it for me! thanks for sticking by!


End file.
